Flying high with Eric

Hi guys

I was flying today from Panama City to San Francisco and had a hilarious trip with an unnamed airline.....its a true story and I thought that I would share it with you all...
As we are seated the flight attendant comes out and announces the following....

"Ladies and genttlemen if you have an Ipod, I Phone or I touch... we are completely impressed.
We ask you to turn off your equipment when the aircraft is taking off.
For those who dont understand what Off means... that does not mean game mode, aeroplane mode, or sleep mode...
OFF MEANS OFF
But you can look up the meaning in the dictionary... but dont google it now... because if you do, its a $25,000 fine and if you can afford the fine then you would have flown with United."

"Now there are 20 ways to leave your lover.... but there are 6 ways to leave this plane in a case of emergency... we have signs overhead and disco lights on the floor.."

"If we are lucky enough for this flight to turn into a cruise.... the life jackets are under the seats... we have 4 lovely designer matching oxygen masks available....
nitrus oxide... sorry oxygen will be flowing at 75cents for the first minute and 25 cents for each additional minute after that....."

"If you are travelling with a small child...............WHY?????????
or if you are sitting next to your husband who is acting like a child... then put the mask on yourself first......"

"This is a non complaining, non whining, non smoking flight.....
Federal officers prohibit the tampering, destroying of smoke detectors in the toilets.... Blah.... Blah..... Blah.... Blah.....
If you must smoke, the smoking area is outside on the wing... if you can light it, then you can smoke it... and feel free to watch our inflight movie out there...
GONE WITH THE WIND.."

As we land... his departing words were
"Now get off the plane"

KT